Special Needs

Special Needs
Although it has been some time since my last post, that certainly does not mean that kids have actually been acting intelligently; I've just been busy. After all, the arrival of spring brings with it the arrival of the busiest time of year: 504 review time! A 504 is a list of accommodations that legally must be granted to a student based on his/her disability. Before I go off on a rant, let me say that I certainly think that students with genuine disabilities should be catered to to a certain degree; for example, in gym I would not require a wheelchair bound student to complete the same number of jumping jacks as everyone else. However, 99% of the 504s that come my way state that the student has ADHD/ADD. In short, they have trouble concentrating. Well tough shit! When I am not wholly interested in something, I also find it a bit more difficult to pay attention--that's life! I don't get out of it via some absurd modifications. In case you still think I'm callous, here are actual modifications that I have been required by law to grant students in my English class:

-Preferential seating (front and close to teacher). *When there are 28 students all with this modification, how do I satisfy it? Not to mention, I don't want the little fuckers "close" to me.

-Teacher will check student for understanding directions. *This is what we do for ALL students; we do not have time to individually ensure that each student understands.

-Reminders to focus. *How about: when I'm teaching you pay attention! I can't stop my lesson every five minutes to tell little Mikey to get his fingers out of his nose or ass or whatever!

-Modified tests. *IE make the test easier so that the student is sure to pass it. If he fails, the test was too hard and you did not follow the 504.

-Oral testing. *Yeah, Fuck writing, I mean what is this, an English class?!

-No penalty for late work. *So...once the student realizes he/she has missed the deadline that all of the others in the class were expected to meet and after we have gone over the answers in class, he/she can then turn in the work for no late penalty.

-Provide lecture notes. *Here's an idea: Take your own goddamn notes. This is school!

-Provide lots of praise, positive attention. *Now this one I like, I mean it does work with my new puppy, which, consequentially, is smarter than many of my students.

-Check work in progress. *Yes, for every student I will sit by his/her side to watch as he/she completes the work. Perhaps I will even hold the pencil for him/her and then maybe wipe his/her ass at the end.

-No spelling penalty. *Brilliant! This will teach them!

-No handwriting penalty. *If I can't read your chicken scratch, it's an automatic "A"!

-Allow him to doodle as it helps him listen. *Ahhhh, I didn't realize those various sketches of skulls and cross bones were an integral part of Mikey's understanding of our lesson on the beautiful imagery in the poem.

-Homework should be reduced by 50% for the student. *Ok, read the first half of To Kill A Mockingbird; forget about the rest it's not important anyway.

I'm sure as soon as I post this, I'll think of more and be pissed that I didn't add them, but these speak for themselves. By diagnosing every student with ADD and providing such modifications, we are only lowering the bar for said student and doing a very poor job in preparing him/her for college or, more likely, the "real world." Even when working at Taco Bell, these students are going to be held accountable for the work that they need to do--they won't get 50% less work because they have trouble focusing.

Finally, such modifications are completely unfair to the other students in the room. One student has to read 50 pages, take a written test on it, and is penalized for grammar and spelling errors (oh my god, just like a real class!); however, the ADHD student sitting next to him reads 25 pages, doesn't have to write shit, and has months to complete the work. Is this fair when they both get "A"s? Colleges don't know that one student did significantly LESS work because these disabilities are kept confidential.

Some kids are dumber than others. Face it. Some children need to be left behind. By lowering the standard we are doing an injustice to those students and to their peers.

On a lighter note:
Q- How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A- Who cares, let's go ride bikes.